Failing Forward… Do You Win by Experiencing Loss?
Most of us are put off by failure. Some of us hate it. It makes some of us anxious.
For me, however, I’m fascinated by it. Let’s say that you decide you want to run a marathon, but you don’t have the drive to practice, because you already believe that you are completely capable of completing the marathon with ease. The day comes for you to run your marathon, and you’re at the starting line. Even now, you are confident of your ability to run this race, and do it with triumph. The race starts, and all of the runners take off.
You win.
By some act of God, you have completed something you ultimately did not work to finish. Your winning of the race has confirmed every conviction you had of your capabilities, and your confidence flies through the roof. As good as winning the race is, what have you overcome? What did you learn about yourself? Nothing. Your winning of the race has ultimately brought you nothing, except for maybe the attention and laud of other runners.
Through running this race, you have discovered absolutely nothing about yourself. Your presuppositions of your abilities are confirmed, and you remain, in your mind, exactly the person you thought you were. Now, let’s say, for this next example, you failed, and failed miserably. You’re embarrassed. You crossed the starting line, confident that you could run this race. After ten minutes, though, you fall on your face from exhaustion, and are carried off of the course. What did you learn from this experience? Definitely more than what you learned from winning.
The difference I see most between success and failure is self-actualization. When we succeed, we learn nothing as we are simply “restating” what we already know to be true about ourselves. However, when we fail, we are opening ourselves up to redefinition, allowing our failure to mold us, and help us refine ourselves into who we were designed to become. When I go to any kind of reunion, I find that I’m not fascinated by the people who were thought by everyone to become something great, and became it. I am fascinated most by the people in my life who have tried, and failed, tried again, and failed again. The stories of “failures” are deeper, and much more meaningful, as they have endured a greater magnitude of self-actualization altogether.
Perhaps we are scared to fail, not because of humiliation, but because we are scared to see that how we define ourselves is not it all a reflection of who you are. However, the people we could become in light of our failure is much greater than the person we are hidden behind the wall of constant success. Not to say that success is bad, but it is simply a reminder, or a summation of who you are.
I say we should fail a little before we succeed. Today, seek to do something hard; something you don’t think you’re great at. If you fail, don’t hate yourself, but marvel in the way that its defining you.